A guide to finding happiness in your life and in your games.

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A blog about finding happiness in your life, and in your games.

Friday, March 2, 2012

I Ain't prouda what I done.

I love giving things a story. Whether I'm playing a board game like risk, or a video game. Yeah most games have a story already, but I like to come up with a story that drives the action especialy in multiplayer modes.

I give my on screen character a personality and motivations. It makes what's happening more interesting for me.

Maybe I'm weird. But I love using my imagination to make characters and stories come to life where they normally wouldn't.

I always remember what I'm doing. And what I was doing just this morning was killing some banditos in Red Dead Redemption.

I've recently started playing Red Dead again and I love it, particularly the free roam mode in multiplayer where you can explore the world, clear out gang hideouts, and all that other stuff that comes with the wild west.

I had a bit of time to spare this morning so I popped in the game for a bit and it turned into a story that I felt like sharing. (I wish I had a capture card so I could show you this story as well as tell it.)

I Ain't Prouda What I done 


The sky was painted glorious shades of pink as the sun rose over the Mexican desert that I found myself riding across. I pulled on the reins and brought my majestic black steed to a stop and shared the moment with her. She didn't say anything, but I suspected she was as impressed with the beauty of the sunset as I was.

It was hard to take my eyes off of it, but I had a job to do. There were some banditos that needed greasin'.

My feet spurred my horse back into motion and I put the sunset to my back as I raced towards destiny.

At a few hundred yards out I spotted Tesoro Azul: The Blue... Tesoro....

My feet hit the dirt with a thud as I hoped off my horse and unslung  my sniper rifle.

"Get outta here Horsie," I said to my horse as it looked at me indifferently, though I knew deep down it was afraid for my life. "You don't wanna see this. Now git!"

My horse trotted off and I found some cover behind a rock and took in the situation.

Through my scope I could see three of the banditos were on the rooftops of some of the buildings in the small settlement. I could see a few of them abusing prostitues through the slats in the front gate.

Those women deserved better. 

I had to help them. My crosshairs found their mark on the bushy mustache of one of the gate's guards. I squeezed the trigger and turned his face into goop.

The whores ran for cover as the rest of the banditos focused their attention on me. My rock was immediately peppered with gunshots but I kept my aim true and eliminated all of the sombrero wearing enemies on the rooftops and those that were foolish enough to rush out the front gates.

Sniper rifle out of ammo, I pulled out my trusty Henry Repeater (don't ask where I keep it) and sprinted up to the front gates.

I peeked in and wiped the face off a particularly portly bandito with 'O'l Henry' and moved in for more cover.

Not long after I entered Tesoro Azul I was holed up in an abandoned chapel with a pile of bodies outside. From inside I could see the whores cowering for cover outside and thanks to my sixth sense, I somehow knew the location of all of the banditos still trying to flush me out.


A bottle landed in the doorway of the chapel and exploded into flame. Fire licked up my pants and engulfed me entirely. I ran around the chapel screaming like a fool until the flames went out. Luckily for my I didn't suffer and lasting damage. Praise Jesus.

Another fire bottle crashed down outside and lit a prostitute on fire. I watched as she screamed and writhed until she finally fell over dead as the fire went out. Poor slut didn't have a chance.

It was time to end the bloodshed.

I climbed onto the roof of the chapel and swiftly put an end to the rest of the banditos.

It was over.

There were bodies everywhere.

I climbed down and walked through the small village and took in the carnage.

Flies swarmed the plethora of bodies as the surviving prostitutes stood looking, not knowing what to do. A few of them were crying.

One of the women told me to screw off, or maybe she thanked me for saving her. I don't remember. What matters is that I shoved her to the ground and started kicking her repeatedly. I let up my flurry of kicks and she got up to her feet.

Then I started kicking her again.

Then she got back up.

And I pushed her down again.

Growing tired of the repetition and feeling that she had learned her lesson, I pulled out a tomahawk and showed it too her. She wasn't impressed at all by it so I threw it in her face. The bitch.

The rest of them seemed to think I was some kind of monster as they looked on in horror.

I'll show them what  a monster is, those ungrateful bitches. 

I proceeded to murder every last one of the prostitutes I had only just saved. All but one.

One of the girls, a blond in a tight yellow underwear thingy survived my tomahawk and continued to limp around with the war hatchet's head buried deep in the back of her upper thigh.

She hobbled around and occasionally would stop to do a seductive pose. I had to give her credit, she was still trying to do her job, even though there was a tomahawk deep in her leg.

She wandered around the village for a while, leaving a trail of blood as she went. As I followed her I was pretty sure she was becoming delirious. She would run into walls and try and walk through solid objects with little success.

Eventually I put her out of her misery with a quick shot from my high powered pistol.

What have I done!?

I was a monster! I had murdered those girls, made them suffer for my amusement!

I didn't deserve to live. The next life I took would be my own.

I then shot a bird.

Ok, NOW  the next life I take will be my own. 

I walked out of Tesoro Azul and whistled for my horse. Horsie trotted up, seemingly oblivious to my emotional crisis. I climbed on top into the saddle and took a look at my map.

There was a railroad bridge over the river not too far from where I was.

It would do.

After a short silent ride, Horsie and i arrived at the bridge. I climbed off and poured my guts out to Horsie.
I told her the awful things I had done to those girls. I had to jump. I didn't deserve to see another sunrise.

I slowly walked out to the center of the bridge and stood at the edge. There were no railings or safety guards which would make this easier.

Clip clop. Clip clop. Clip clop. 

I turned and saw Horsie coming over to me. "Go back Horsie!" I yelled at it as a tear formed in my eye (I only had one).

Even against my wishes Horsie came closer still until she was right next to me. Then she nudged me gently over the edge.

You asshole!

That was my last thought as I plummeted towards the racing water, bouncing off one of the bridge supports as I fell.

The fall didn't kill me, but my deathly allergy to water did. I was dead the moment my face went beneath the surface.


Well there you have it. All of that really happened this morning. My horse actually did push me off the bridge after I killed some of the whores at Tesoro Azul. I was quite amused.

I hope you enjoyed my story.

I hope you remember to use your imagination when playing games online.

Enjoy your game.

Enjoy your life.

Want to play Red Dead with me? Send me an email and we can set up a time to form a posse!

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